Chapter 4 – The Gift of Truth
- The debate of whether to show interest to a woman or to not show interest to a woman
has been raging in pick up circles and men’s dating advice for well over a decade now.
And as time goes on, the show interest camp is slowly pulling ahead. It’s leading to more
success, less effort and more honest interactions. And here’s why.
- The biggest criticism of showing interest to a woman that you want to be with is that it
immediately shows you as highly invested in her responses. When you say, “You’re cute
and I wanted to meet you,” that translates roughly to, “Hi, I want to be with you and am
officially invested in the prospect of it happening.”
- What they miss though is the sub-communication going on underneath what’s actually
- The sub-communication is, “I’m totally OK with the idea of you rejecting me, otherwise I
would not be approaching you like this.”
- Think about it, if a guy wasn’t comfortable with the prospect of a woman rejecting him,
he wouldn’t have been honest in the first place. In fact, he would have pretended that
he wasn’t actually interested in her!
- The fact that he honestly approached her with his intentions, that he puts his nuts on
the chopping block and makes himself vulnerable to her immediately, actually sub-
communicates a non-neediness and an attractiveness in itself. And it shows desire for
her, which is going to trigger her arousal.
- What you actually say doesn’t matter – WHY you say it matters
- Always. No exceptions. You can have the best line in the world, but if you’re saying it
because you’re needy and are desperate in her response to you, then she is immediately
going to sense that you’re highly invested, and therefore low status, not confident and
not an attractive man. It won’t work.
- This is why selling pick-up lines is ultimately a futile process. I could sell you the best 100
things I’ve ever said to women, but I can’t ever sell you my intentions or my lack of
neediness. Only you can develop those yourself.
- You can say the lamest and grossest thing to women, and if the sub-communication is, “I
really don’t care if you laugh or run away horrified, but here’s who I am, take it or leave it,” this sub-communicates a rock-bottom low level of neediness, and an incredibly high
level of vulnerability.
- Once again, I was highly invested and needy in how women responded to me. I simply
did not get it at the time: it didn’t matter what I said or didn’t say; if I said it in a way
that demonstrated I cared too much about how they responded to me, it would never
- You cannot fake not being needy for more than a moment. The only women you will
manage to fake are women who are drunk or high or who are extremely needy
- Confident and truly high quality women who are less invested in the attention they
receive from men are not going to have much patience for your lines and games. They
will either see through them or see you for who you really are: scared to expose your
vulnerability; or they will simply assume you’re not worth investing in because you’d
rather just talk about spells or games or whatever.
- If you are a fake alpha or an over-compensating player, then your obsessive nature
around sex will seep through your actions and your lack of actual interest in her as a
person will repel any women of true dignity and grace. It will attract needy women full
of meaningless trifles and drama, who will only serve to fuel your anger and antipathy
towards women further. You cannot fake vulnerability. You cannot fake truth. Truth has
to be a gift, given with no conditions or expectations.
- Most men are not being honest about their intentions. They may compliment a woman
and buy her things, beg for her attention, but their intentions are conditional. They’re
- They’re only giving praise and affection under the assumption that they’ll receive it in
- When you lavish gifts and praise onto a woman who has not done anything to earn it,
you are sub-communicating a desperate need for her attention and validation -- a
willingness to sacrifice your self-respect and wealth to win over her affection
- Once again, it comes down to what’s being sub-communicated, rather than what’s being
- Think about it: the average guy at the bar who goes around buying cute girls drinks...
why is he buying them? So the girls will sit there and talk to him. When he comments on
how beautiful they are and how he’s so infatuated with them, why is he complimenting them? So that they’ll like him. When he pays for fancy dinners and offers to buy them jewelry, why is he doing it? So they won’t leave him.
- These are not gifts or compliments at all. These are deals he’s brokering. Everything he
gives to her, he is giving it to her expecting to receive something in return. The drinks
are not unconditional. They’re bought with the provision that she stays and talks to him.
The compliments are spoken with the provision that she show him affection in return.
- True honesty is only possible when it is unconditional. The truth is only the truth when it
is given as a gift -- when nothing is expected in return.
- A needy man will give a girl a compliment without knowing her and wait expectantly for
her to repay him in either her company or with thanks. I will give compliments only
when I am honestly inspired to give them, and usually after already meeting a woman and
displaying to her that I’m willing to disagree with her, willing to be rejected by her and
willing to walk away from her because I’m not needy and therefore high status.
- The biggest aphrodisiac in the world is someone who likes you. A woman’s desire is to
be desired. But it has to be genuine desire. It can’t be an “I’ll desire you as long as you
boost my ego and impress my friends” kind of desire.
- When you’re willing to cut a woman off and tell her when she’s out of line, when you’re
willing to tell a woman what you will and will not tolerate in your life, this sub
communicates the most powerful elements of attraction. This is why it’s quite possible
to piss a woman off and turn her on at the same time. Any man experienced with
women has had this happen to him before.
- If a beautiful woman says something that a needy man finds offensive, he’ll ignore it,
change the topic, or withhold his true feelings. A non-needy man will tell her what she
just said was offensive. A man who is vulnerable is unafraid to draw boundaries about
what he’s willing to accept and not willing to accept from the people around him.
- Your ability and willingness to establish boundaries is inversely proportional to how
needy you are. Men who are needy and lack vulnerability will keep their boundaries
loose and open, inviting manipulation and other people to walk over them. This is
because they are more than willing to alter themselves in order to receive validation
from the women they meet. Men who are not needy establish strict boundaries because
they value their own time and happiness more than receiving the attention from a
- When it comes to making yourself more vulnerable and making yourself less needy, the
first step is to often begin establishing your own boundaries. Learn how to say “no” to people, particularly women. Start having opinions on what you like and don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and won’t tolerate.