Chapter 6: Rejection and Success


  • “Show me a guy, any guy, who is good with women, and I’ll show you a guy who has
    been shut down by more women than you can possibly imagine.”
  • Being slapped also taught me that you can’t always control how people react to you.
    Some people are completely out of their minds, or they behave very inappropriately.
    You can’t help this. You cannot control what happens in every interaction. The sooner
    you accept this, the better off you will be. (In regards to being slapped by a women he
  • As with any failure, it’s not until you’ve been rejected a certain amount that you realize
    how insignificant it actually is. How you spent so much time worrying about nothing.
    And how you’re free to act however you choose.
  • The reason men fear rejection is because they’re operating on other peoples’ truths, not
    their own. In fact, men who fear rejection tend to be oblivious to their own truth,
    because if they were aware of their own desires, needs and values, what would they
    have to be afraid of? Why would they ever hesitate to expose their vulnerability to
    others? Most men with weak grasps of their truth fantasize about the ability to never be
    rejected ever. Not only is this a massive manifestation of their insecurity, but it’s not
    realistic. Being rejected saves me so much time and effort. If I had to go on a date with
    every single girl I found even mildly attractive, I’d probably lose my mind, not to
    mention have no time for doing other things I care about.
  • Overcoming your fear and anxiety also probably has the greatest  correlation with a
    guy’s overall results with women. The reason being, once a guy gets over his fear of
    rejection, he’s willing to more or less pursue any woman he wants when he wants
  • Let’s do a thought experiment. Take 1,000 random women in your city. Out of that 1,000 women, you’ll probably find 200-300 physically attractive — or physically attractive enough to get to know better. Remember, we have to throw out the grannies,
    the fat chicks, the girl who hasn’t bathed in a week, etc. Only women you find physically
    attractive. So let’s say 250. Out of those 250, probably 125 are available. And out of that
    125, probably 50 would be interested in going on a date with you, especially if you
    presented yourself well, polarized and was frank about your intentions. Up to this point,
    we’re already down to 50 out of 1000, and literally none of it has been in your control at
  • What stops the vast majority of men out there from going out and getting what they
    want (and deserve) in their love lives, is that they take rejection, failure and
    incompatibilities personally, as if it says something true about them. The only truth
    about you is what you decide about yourself. And the more truth you know about
    yourself, the more you’ll be unaffected by others’ reactions to you and the more
    attractive you’ll become.
  • The problem is, there are millions of women out there, and only a small percentage at
    any given time are going to be receptive to sleeping with you or dating you. You can
    either go out and find the best one possible, or sit around and hope for one to show up
    on your door-step. But if you go out there, you have to understand the game you’re
    playing… you’re going to miss a lot. You’re shooting free throws from half court. You’re
    playing golf from 1,000 yards away. You’re bowling with a 500 foot long lane. You’re
    going to miss 95% of these shots. Time to get used to it. If you just admit that you’re
    going to miss most of the time, then you can start shooting as much as you want.
  • You’re going to whiff on most women you meet. Over and over and over again. But
    that’s OK. Because every miss gets you closer to the mark. Every failure gets you closer
    to your treasure. And when you accept that, things can actually become pretty fun.
  • As soon as you realize that 90% of this “picking up” women stuff has nothing to do with
    you, is the moment you’re free to pursue what you want without hesitation or fear.
    There are a million extraneous circumstances completely outside of your control and at
    any given time, a large chunk of the women  you meet and talk to are going to be
    experiencing one of them. The best you can do is to let it go and remember, it’s not
    about you.
  • Most men when they approach women, they approach thinking something like, “I hope
    she likes me,” or “I hope she doesn’t embarrass me or reject me.” It’s all about them.
    And therefore, when things don’t go anywhere, the men take it personally — they get upset, or angry or butt-hurt that this random stranger with tits isn’t interested right
  • But as we’ve learned, there are an infinite number of extraneous circumstances that we
    can’t control, and we already KNOW that the vast majority of women aren’t compatible
    with us in any significant way anyway. So we must remove ourselves from the equation.
    Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?” Instead
    of thinking, “I hope she doesn’t reject me,” think, “I wonder if we’ll have an adventure
  • There are a minority of men who experience only rejection. These men have gone out
    regularly, approached many women and come home empty-handed time after time
    after time. My contention is that these men are severely disassociated from their true
    identity. They’ve got massive amounts of emotional baggage that they’re oblivious to,
    yet it permeates all of their interactions. They have a horrible lack of self-awareness of
    the emotional needs that are motivating them. Their life and actions are built on
    conditionality: I have this job so that people will respect me. I approach these women so
    that I can feel important. I want to have sex with hot girls to know that I’m valuable.
  • Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer
  • When we define success as finding the woman/women who will maximize our
    happiness, our approach takes a completely new light. Instead of seeking for a woman
    to select us, instead of racking up numbers, instead of winning bragging rights, instead
    of avoiding rejections — our success is defined by screening through as many women as
    possible until we find the ones we enjoy.
  • Too many men become satisfied with how many women they can approach or how
    many phone numbers they can collect. This is not success. This is not success because
    you are not maximizing your relationships with these women. You are not dating them,
    sleeping with them, becoming intimate with them or even committing to them. You’re
    just validating yourself with how many phone numbers you can get.