In our post-industrial, post-feminist world, a clear model of how to be an attractive man has been lost. Centuries ago, a man’s role and duty was power and protection. Decades ago, it was to provide. But now? We’re not quite sure. We are either the ﬁrst or second generation of men to grow up without a clear deﬁnition of our social roles, and without models of what it is to be strong and attractive men.
Five years ago, when I ﬁrst began coaching men on improving their relationships with women, I had no idea the rabbit hole of information and development I was about to go down, both for myself and for others. At the time the primary concerns of my dating life mostly revolved around which drink specials were going on that Tuesday night and which one of the ﬁve Jenna’s in my phone was the one I met last weekend.
It wasn’t until I sat down and tried to get other men to the point where they had ﬁve Jenna’s in their phone that I began to get a glimpse of how deep a man’s emotional and sexual development actually goes, and how difﬁcult it is to inspire a genuine shift. I won’t lie, in hindsight, getting myself to that point seems easy now by comparison. Growing up, I had always been somewhat of an average guy, although I had little luck with the ladies.
Then in 2005, after being cheated on and left by my ﬁrst serious girlfriend and ﬁrst love, I was emotionally distraught and slightly traumatized. I became obsessive. A desperate need for validation 8and affection from women arose within me and I spent an inordinate amount of time pursuing that validation and affection, far more than most men ever do. I was over-compensating and soon became driven to sleep with every girl who would let me anywhere near her
in the Boston area.
This went on for a little more than two years. My plan wasn’t sophisticated. Really, I read a couple books like this one and basically went out to bars 4-5 nights a week -- approaching, ﬂirting and failing, pushing and pulling, fucking and ﬂoundering for those 30 glorious months of experimentation. It was self-indulgent. But it was a time of growth and a time of movement.
But a couple of years and a few dozen women later, two things happened. First, I began to realize that rampant drunken sex was fun, but not very fulﬁlling. It began to get old. And it wasn’t exactly affecting the other areas of my life in a healthy manner. I was required to let up and evaluate myself, to question why I was sacriﬁcing so much time and effort to such superﬁcial pleasures. The second thing that happened was I had grown a reputation locally for my exploits. Soon men whom I had never met were emailing me asking if they could come hang out with me, to see how I interacted with women. It was weird at ﬁrst. But then I decided, sure, why not, just buy my drinks or pay me a bit on the side. And strangely, I feel like that’s where the real journey began. To try and model the internal movement that occurred within myself and then replicate it in other men.
They say if you want to master something, teach it. And this second journey actually ended up being far more educational than the ﬁrst. When I went out for myself, it was easy. Half the time I was going out to lose myself, to bury my emotions and hopefully wake up in the arms of a stranger. Sometimes it worked. And that’s really all I knew.
But this second journey had a purpose, had a meaning, and suddenly needed an intellectual foundation. I couldn’t just do it. I had to teach it, explain it, and impart it onto others and then get them to do it. This led me in a winding, twisted path. It began with entries into and exits from the so-called “Pick Up Artist” community and thousands of accumulated hours of talking and carousing and teaching. There were models about models and pages about Paige’s. But quickly that path went dead, and I took excursions through social psychological studies, historiographies on human sexuality, strip clubs binges, research on NLP and cognitive therapy, various self-help seminars, hotel rooms with runway models, touch-healing and alternative therapy mishaps, arguments with feminists, and shitty books on pop-spirituality and pseudo-psychiatry. Also during this period, I checked myself into psycho-therapy and entered dating a loving and amazing girlfriend for almost two years.
The coaching grew. And soon it took me to more than a dozen cities across America, then to countries in Europe, to England and Australia, and I even took ﬁeld trips as far as Argentina, Brazil, Israel and Thailand, where I discovered that much of what I had assumed about women was merely cultural. It was a period of immense education and drive, where I made a clear point to not let my thinking be conﬁned by any previous model or paradigm about masculinity or male/female sexuality.
And after all of that over the last ﬁve years, this is what I’ve come back with:
There are two movements occurring right now.
The ﬁrst one is a greater movement, a social and emotional movement in western culture. There’s a call for a new masculinity that’s been lacking for generations now. There’s been a void of what men are, what they’re supposed to be, how they’re supposed to behave, and the men’s dating advice industry has largely moved to ﬁll that void, for better or worse.
This book aims merely to be another piece of that -- a healthy, integrated piece -- but a piece nonetheless.
The second movement is happening within you personally. It’s an emotional movement. You’re reading this because you want to change. You want to change your interactions and relationships with the women in your life. You want these relationships to improve. You want these relationships to be abundant. You want to feel conﬁdent and empowered around women, those you know and those you don’t know but want to meet. You want to feel in control of your relationships with them. You want to be sexual with them without shame or hesitation or regret or pain.
This second movement is an internal movement. It took me a long time to come to grips with that. Although this second movement often begins by changing outer behavior and results in a change of outer behavior, the process itself is an internal one, a shift of emotional disposition, which in turn affects one’s social life and love life.
This book is designed to guide you through that internal movement. The larger social movement is merely a backdrop, and is only brieﬂy explained to give context to your current situation. Your failures with women aren’t happening because you say the wrong thing or because you don’t look good enough. Well, that’s not true, you are saying the wrong things and probably don’t look good enough yet -- but these are symptoms of the problem, not the problem itself.
Your failures happen because you grew up emotionally ill-equipped to deal with women and intimacy. The words you say and looks you have are merely a side-effect of that.
If this sounds like some sort of “inner game” diatribe, please don’t be mistaken. I’m interested in real-world behaviors with real-world consequences. But this isn’t just about intellectually understanding how to stand, how to talk, how to behave. This isn’t “faking it until you make it.” It’s deeper than that. This is about intellectually learning the behaviors that will cause your emotions to shift, to create a permanent and unconscious route to being the attractive
male that you can be.
This is that how-to guide.
This book aims to arm you with the behaviors that will form that emotional foundation you never received in adolescence, to present the masculine model you and I missed out on. And once you begin this internal shift, you’ll ﬁnd that the social actions -- saying the right thing, knowing when to go for the kiss,
knowing how to approach a woman, etc. -- they will all begin to fall into place, and fall into place in a more profound and powerful way than simply memorizing some lines or following some sort of arbitrary procedure.
The beginning of this book is very theoretical. It’s the big picture stuff. I do this because I think it’s important to lay a foundation to explain the realities of attraction, masculinity and femininity, and what determines your value on the dating market as a man. As the book goes on though, it becomes more and more technical and speciﬁc, slowly honing in on necessary actions and habits. I believe it’s important to explain why I’m having you do certain actions and
Part I is an honest look at female attraction based on scientiﬁc research, and the realistic consequences of that research in modern life.
Part II is an overview of the dating strategy that I recommend to all men who come to me for help. The strategy focuses on polarizing reactions from women to screen for the one’s most receptive to your identity as soon as possible. We also deal with the painful reality of rejection and how everyone must learn to deal with it.
This is a reality-based strategy, not based on fantasies or the frivolities of wanting to sleep with every woman you meet or dating a Victoria’s Secret model by coming up with scripts of pick up lines. These things are both unrealistic and horribly insecure. Part II is a long-term strategy built to take a man from “no women in my life” to “lots of amazing women in my life” as quickly as possible, with as little effort as possible. Rejection plays an unavoidable part of
that process, as we’ll see.
Part III is the ﬁrst part of our strategy and covers the ﬁrst of the Three Fundamentals laid out in Chapter 7, building an enjoyable lifestyle and becoming an attractive man. The steps laid out in this part will be speciﬁc but will be long-term goals with long-term beneﬁts.
Part IV covers developing courage and becoming a man of action. Men are expected to initiate in all phases of courtship (the reasons why are explained in Part I), and therefore a man who is hesitant, anxious or afraid of initiating will get never get anywhere with women. The advice laid out in this step will require diligence but provide real and lasting change to those willing to dedicate themselves. These steps are medium-term goals with medium-term beneﬁts.
Finally, Part V will cover the nuts and bolts of communicating more effectively, more attractively, more openly, and more sexually. The steps laid out in this section should have immediate, short-term beneﬁts.
My goal is to provide you with both in-depth perspective into your emotions and how you operate, while also giving you practical processes for improving yourself and achieving your goals.
If you’re looking for a book full of “say this line and then execute touch-plan X4Z-3,” then you’re going to be disappointed. But not only are you going to be disappointed with this book, you’re going to be disappointed with every book that gives advice like that.
Because they are band-aid solutions. Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.
This book aims to give you your ﬁrst real education on women and attraction, the education you should have received a long time ago, from a number of sources, but never did.
And I’ll give you a free preview: it has little to nothing to do with what you’re saying. It has everything to do with body, expression, emotion and movement.
A couple years ago I was in Argentina. There I made one of the most important discoveries in all of my time doing this. I saw a girl at a club sitting by herself. She looked upset. And when I approached her, she didn’t get any happier. She didn’t speak English and I barely spoke any Spanish at the time. She didn’t want to dance and didn’t want to talk to me. She kept shaking her head and motioning for me to go away. But I persisted. Eventually I got her to dance, and then to smile. And what I discovered over the next week was how when it comes to seduction how unnecessary words actually are.
As she and I danced, we touched and played. I played hand games with her, twirled her, made funny faces and communicated with fake sign language. I held her, caressed her and touched her hair. We drew pictures on napkins for each other. When I put my arm around her and she leaned into me it spoke more than 1,000 conversations. We moved and as that movement drove us closer together physically, we came together emotionally until they were one in the
same and we came.
Emerson once wrote, “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” Seduction is an interplay of emotions. Your movement or lack of movement reﬂects and alters emotions, not the words. Words are the side-effect. Sex is the side-effect. The game is emotions, emotions through movement. If you learn anything from this book, let that be it.
Our culture has become stationary. We spend our time sitting behind desks, behind screens and in cars. We don’t move like we used to and we don’t feel like we used to.
Over the course of this book, I’ll invite you and hopefully inspire you to move. To get up out of that chair, to go outside, to dare to feel, to experiment and to connect. This will involve getting off your ass, but that’s a good thing. And I will help you with that. And if you promise to move, then I promise change.
Slowly, your looks will change, your words will change, and your actions will change. And hopefully, maybe something amazing will happen. Your emotions
will shift and move and vibrate and with them the women of the world will feel your resonance and come calling.
I wish you more than luck.
What is The Red Pill?
First off: The required reading is in the side bar by clicking the icon in the upper most left. This will open the required reading and should be read in order. A lot of great information in there.
It's a reference to The Matrix, in which Morpheus offers Neo a choice of one of two pills... a blue pill, which will make him forget and allow him to contentedly go back to a life of brainwashed mediocrity, or a red pill, which will wake him up to an unpleasant truth but grant him great power.
TheRedPill and Alpha Up are about self improvement, doing what you want and obtaining what you desire - for
many most men this includes having sex with the most attractive women they can find.
Lifting, eating well, maintaining frame, building your skills and confidence are important for all aspects of life - getting laid is just one of them.
"The best way to pick up women is to demonstrate you have better things to do than pick up women (which you should have because the focus should be on improving yourself)"
"The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.”
Evolutionary Differences between Men and Women
Men show more variety. The Y chromosome is nature's little experiment. So there are more male geniuses, but also more male retards. More male saints, but also more male criminally insane psychopaths. Males have built empires and civilizations, but they have also torn them down with genocide and world war. Men are a mixed bag. Your job is to try to be in the exceptionally good minority individually because otherwise you will always be at least suspected of being in the crazy lower end of the scale.
Females are nature's sure bet. They get their womb and their eggs and as long as they don't fuck up too badly, they will be able to reproduce. As a group they tend to be in the middle of the herd. They aren't trying to build empires, or start revolutions, because those endeavors are risky and no matter what they do they will be limited to having at most a handful of children. Some men, however, when they conquer huge territories they have hundreds of children, Ramses II of Eqypt and Ghenghis Khan of the steppes come to mind. Women are less often geniuses, but also less often retarded or criminally insane sociopaths. Women being average is their strength.
Working out a vital to swallowing the Red Pill Theory as well as Alpha'ing Up.
Men should naturally be flowing with testosterone and maximize their strength as much as possible. This is important because statistics have show that average testosterone in males has dropped significantly in the last 30 years. In my opinion, working out is the first step in swallowing the Red Pill Theory and Alpha'ing Up. When you are fit and in shape, not only you will succeed in business because looks are like 90% of what causes promotions at companies. Statistics show that the taller the male is, the more money they will make in their life time. Alpha Up and Red Pill is about improving yourself and the girls for you to seduce can hop along the wagon. That's it. You approach girls in the sense of, I have dreams and goals I am going to achieve and if she wants to be part of it, I might be able to allow her to. Red Pill is not just about getting laid. That's where the seduction aspect comes into play.
Trying new things. This installment is to battle what I see in way too many guys: the guys who have been caged into the same day-to-day grind, wasting away, spending their life doing things they don’t truly enjoy, and that don’t truly express their identity and personality.
- They go to work (often at a good job)
- They come home and unwind
- They watch the typical sports/sitcoms/movies
- On Fridays/Saturdays they hang out with the same 3-4 friends.
Often times, I meet guys who don’t even have THIS much variance and balance in their life. They’re stuck in 60-80 per week jobs, they work two jobs, they have absolute no hobbies outside of World of Warcraft, etc.
Now, there’s nothing “wrong” with the above list. It represents about 90% of the male population between the ages of 20 and 40 in the Western world.
And THAT’S the problem. Because that means you have the same amount going for you as 90% of the male population, no more, sometimes less.
Ask yourself: if you were lined up next to 10 random guys from a bar you frequent, what would make you stand out from them? Most of them will be fairly educated. Most of them will have decent jobs. Most of them will have taken the one or cool vacations here and there. Most of them will have one or two off-the-wall Vegas story or something.
- What do you have that they don’t?
- What can you offer that most other guys can’t?
- Do you secretly write poetry in your spare time and hide it in your closet?
- Have you been skydiving three times? Did you climb a glacier in the Alps once?
- Have you tried eating things like snake, worms, spiders? What have you done that’s cool and interesting and has shaped you as a person?
The possibilities are endless. So let’s do an exercise. Take out a sheet of paper.
One one side, I want you to take 10 minutes and list unique things that you have done or experienced that most people haven’t. It could be everything from climbing a mountain, to writing your school’s play in high school, to recovering from cancer, to going on a 10-day meditation retreat, to starting your own business in college.
Write things that you’ve done that no one or almost no one you know has done or experienced.
Now, turn the paper over. Take 10 minutes and write all of the the things you want to do before you die on it. Assuming money and time wasn’t an issue, list everything you would do before you died. Some examples from my list: write a novel, see the pyramids, learn to box, live in Japan, speak ﬁve languages, climb a mountain, etc.
Go nuts. Write until you can’t think of anything else or the 10 minutes are up.
Now, take a look at your lists.
- If your ﬁrst list has fewer than 10 things, you REALLY need to get out more.
- If your second list has fewer than 10 things, you need to put yourself out there and start trying new things and experiencing the world. You lack curiosity and ambition for quality experience.
- Pick three items from your second list and make it your goal to do them within the next year.
In the end, working all day and night to have a great job and make a ton of money is a very superﬁcial satisfaction. I don’t need to tell you this. Enjoyment of life comes from varied life experience, not from possessions. This isn’t some platitude either, science backs this up.
The more life experience you indulge in, the more developed of a person you’ll become, the more mature your perspective on life and people will become, the easier you’ll relate to women and the more culture, worldliness and value you’ll seem to add to their lives.
Also, the more you invest in yourself, the less needy you become around women, the more attractive you become.
Having Opinions: A few weeks ago I got a text from a former student saying something like: “I know this sounds stupid and obvious, but I just realized something. Simply having an opinion on everything makes you cooler than half the guys out there.”
It does sound obvious and kind of stupid. But it’s true. There’s a plague of indifference in our society. People who don’t ever step up and really ﬁnd something that they feel strongly about. Politics? Meh. Technology? Too complicated. Sports? My hometown team. Art? Will Farrell is funny.
That’s about as far as you can get.
If this describes you, then that’s ﬁne, it’s pretty much the status quo. But realize that it makes you just another guy… dime-a-dozen. So why would an attractive woman pick you?
And to our credit, this isn’t something only guys are afﬂicted by. Ever gone on a date with a girl who has nothing more to talk about than the latest her favorite tanning salon and the weather? I have.
Tons of times. It’s painful.
Women suffer from chronic indifference as well. In fact, what may happen — actually, what I hope happens to you — is you take the advice from this article, start applying it, within a year become a well-read, worldly, opinionated guy, and then you’ll email me because every girl you meet seems boring and plain suddenly. This is a good problem to have.
But back to being average — the reason it’s so common stems from the same reason most guys have a lot of trouble with women. We’ve been conditioned to be passive, to be needy, to hide our vulnerability, to be “Nice Guys.”
If you don’t have any strong opinions on anything, then you’ll never rufﬂe anyone’s feathers, never step on anyone’s toes, never polarize and attract, because you’d rather not be disliked than risk being liked. What you’re doing is emotionally shutting yourself off from yourself. And how can you emotionally connect with another person if you can’t emotionally connect with yourself?
So as an exercise in developing a little passion and learning how to stand for something, I want you to start doing this exercise. This is a “lifestyle” exercise that isn’t done on a sheet of paper in ﬁve minutes, but it’s a thought that I want you to keep in your head as you go about your every day life.
When topics, ideas or thoughts come up, I want you to just ask yourself, “How do I feel about that?”
If you see some news coverage on Obama’s Stimulus Package, ask, “How do I feel about that?”
If you see the new Southpark commercial, ask, “How do I feel about that?”
If you hear that your friend is going New Zealand, ask, “How do I feel about that?”
You get the picture. Now, if you ﬁnd yourself answering, “I really don’t care,” push yourself to ﬁgure out something one way or the other.
What I mean is this: my ex-girlfriend went on a rant once about some girl on Facebook who has a kid now. My ex-girlfriend was going on and on about how this girl was a single 21-year-old mother and how awful it was and how she’s disgusted by it and how can that girl be happy, blah, blah, blah…Now, my ﬁrst reaction, obviously, is “Who cares?” I really don’t care if some trashy girl has a kid or not. And I really don’t care if the only way I know of her is through my girlfriend’s Facebook.
But why is my ex-girlfriend going off about it? What did this girl ever do to her? I think my ex-girlfriend has more of an issue then the baby-mama ever did. My opinion is that my ex-girlfriend needs to chill out and mind her own business. I said this. And although she got a little mad and defensive at ﬁrst, my ex ended up agreeing with me and thanked me because my perspective really made an impact on her. It made her stop and think about her own feelings and biases.
And that’s rare. Most guys wouldn’t do that. They’d sit there and nod and tell their girlfriend, “You’re right, that’s so messed up.” No rufﬂed feathers. No one dislikes me.
Another example: guy on the street corner handing out ﬂiers for his church. He’s one of these hardcore, bible-belt ministry types. I always brush past these people. I don’t make eye-contact, I don’t say hello, I don’t even stop if they stand in front of me, I walk around them.
How do I feel about them? Nothing really, I don’t. But how do I feel about the entire situation? Well, honestly, I ﬁnd it kind of admirable whenever somebody ﬁnds something they value so much they’re willing to stand on the street all day in hopes that they can share that something with one person. That’s pretty cool. On the other hand, I really don’t care to be that one person.
In other situations, it’s just a matter of education. How do you feel about the election? Have no opinion, well try ﬁnding stuff out until you do.